Rules and Tips For Working With Family
Submitted by John P. on October 23, 2009 – 11:46 am12 Comments
We got the following question from Robin Lees on Twitter, so I thought that the three of us would take a shot at an answer but even more importantly, we’re really looking to get the feedback of the Nation on this one!
@WealthNation are there any rules and tips that should be considered about going into business with family (Cali & Neal)?
Cali says:
- Some people have the type of personality that allows them to just get along with others. But if you have difficulty working together with your relative outside of business, then this will really magnify the problems. Make absolutely sure that you are all going to be able to tolerate one another all the time.
- Keep in mind that when hiring you normally would go through an interview and vetting process, but we skip that with family members. You may be missing a more qualified candidate this way, which ultimately can impact your business.
Neal says:
Eat more bacon.
John says:
I would extend the question to include friends, since they are often as close to us as our family. And I’d offer the following advice:
- Working with Family or Friends strips you of some power you’d otherwise have with real employees. You lose the ability to “be the bad guy” when you need to, and certain threats no longer exist. So you often end up needing a lot more carrots because you haven’t got much of a stick.
- Friends and family can also make an organization stronger because you don’t have to worry about loyalty, churn, or whether there are competing interests. Having everyone in the same boat ensures that they’re all rowing in the right direction.
- In almost every case I’ve seen, working together induces some stress. So everyone needs to be extra considerate.
But enough with our answers, we need to hear your experience! Please drop a comment below and let’s really tackle this question! By the way, David Javich has a few tips over at Entrepreneur.com to consider as well.
PS – Thanks to SuZenDu for the photo!
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1. As stated be sure you can spend that much time together but still keep work separate from private life.
2. Keep an open line of communication. The minute you hold back it begins to fester and other situations build up on top of it until it is too late to fix. Continual communication keeps the slate clean.
3. Set boundaries – As with any employee/employer/colleague relationship there are boundaries, limits, hierarchies and rules to be followed. While it is more difficult to keep up with these boundaries with family a working relationship must have them. However the minute you walk out the door into the personal life remember to leave the boundaries behind.
4. Segregation of work and personal life – This is the most crucial, yet difficult issue of working with family (and friends). Letting a situation from either life bleed into the other will quickly derail both the working and personal relationships you have built. Generally because family and friends have an extra level of care for each other (compared to working relationships) both good and bad situations become that much more passionate. The disagreements and arguments become more heated and the successes become that much more glorious.
I have witnessed first hand relationships torn to shreds with the integration of family and friends into the work and personal life. Some relationships will likely never be mended and some are slowly being rebuilt, but will never be the same.
For this reason I have separated myself from opportunities like this, I cherish my personal relationships too much to risk it.
I have worked with my spouse, and here’s the thing.
A business needs a boss. Someone has to be in charge. Someone has to be “the decider.”
A marriage doesn’t need a boss. A marriage is better without one. Much better.
If you can compartmentalize, then go for it. By “you” I mean the partner who is NOT the boss. Can that person take direction and instruction but not take it personally.
Conversation can become an issue. If you talk about work at home, and at work, well, it’s 1-dimensional. Also, telling your spouse about work is repetitive, they were there.
Overall, I advise against it.
I’m glad you tackled this one Will. I was going to try, but couldn’t find the right words. Very nicely stated.
John P.
I worked with family for a number of years and it all boils down to relationships. If you are close and work well as a family there is a good chance that you will be able to work well together in a career. If there is distrust, jealousy or bickering at home then it will certainly carry over to the work place and make every one uncomfortable. There is no way that you can completely ignore the family relations at work, but be sure that you are not showing favoritism to a relative over a non-related employee.
If you’re thinking about working with family or friends, and you LIKE the relationship you have with them, just know that the relationship WILL change. The REAL stuff comes to the surface in a working relationship. If you’re comfortable with taking that risk, then go for it.
I love my wife dearly and we have been married for almost 28 years, but I don’t think we would work well together.
I used to work with my best friend. We worked as equals when we worked for Apple and I got a job at another company where I was VP. I hired my best friend and 3 years later had to fire him. We didn’t talk for an entire year. It was the worst experience I ever had at work. I will never do that again.
I used to work in a hotel, as a trainee manager. We used to get rotated through the departments all the time, in order to nurture our experiences.
I dated one of the restaurant staff, who was 2nd in command – until I came in as a trainee, and took her position. I think she resented it a little.
Although within 3 months, she’d whisked me back to her home country, where we got married and had two children. That was 13 years ago, so….
One of the things that was talked about in an earlier podcast, was borrowing money from friends and family. Is it really advisable, isn’t it a huge strain to put on the friendship/relationship, specifically if the business isn’t florishing?
There’s a reason, that more often than not family do not work together, or if they do, it’s incredibly stressful.
There are some who can pull it off – I’m not one of them!
There were another few points I was going to make, but couldn’t edit my earlier comment.
About Business:
1) If we reverse the way a lot of the comments have approached the original question, and this might be something that Cali and Neal can comment on; If the relationship breaksdown (not because of work, but for personal reasons) what happens to the business, who gets ownership of the company, and in the case of a very close- working at home situation such as C&N, does it spell the end for the business immediately?
About Lifestyle:
2) Does being financially comfortable, help ease pressures on the relastionship, as there is one less think to cause tension and arguments.
About Accounts:
What are your thoughts on shared bank accounts? Personally, my wife and I, each have our own account, and one joint “budget” account. Our wages go directly into our own accounts, and then a percentage is moved into the budget account each month. My percentage is higher than my wifes, as she pays for food direcly from her own account. If you look at the balance sheet of the budget account for the year, then I actually put in a little more than neccessary so that we have a little bit of room, if it’s needed (for example if one of the cars, we have two, needs work).
About Children:
Does having children effect your work ethic? If you have your own business which, especially in the start up requires a LOT of extra work, or are planning on starting one, does having children add an extra dimension to the pressures?
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